Why John Cena is not “Best for Business”

Written by: Kris Rennie

John Cena returned to Raw this week after a short hiatus, which quite frankly wasn’t long enough, as the WWE went into its default “bend over” position in order to accommodate this talentless clown once again in almost every cringeworthy way possible.

John Cena

He no-sold his opponents’ move set, he oversold the impact of his own moves and he even botched his own finishing move.

These are not isolated incidents. Watch any Cena match and you’ll see those common themes arising time and time again.

That’s not even mentioning his diabolical promo skills.

Immediately his return lapsed into the customary pandering and sucking up to the crowd routine that we have sadly become accustomed to over the many years we have seen this assclown on television for.

Irrespective of what the crowd thinks of him, which is usually surmounted by “Cena Sucks” chants, one thing is patently obvious: JOHN CENA IS NOT OVER and HE ISN’T POPULAR WITH THE MAJORITY OF WRESTLING FANS.

However, the WWE seem to think we, the fans and viewers of their shitty ratings-haemorrhaging product, want to see John Cena as the guy carrying the company, despite the fact he gets booed and jeered at every arena he turns up in.

Including the one in his hometown. Where he still has to pander to the audience to get a cheer from them.

Over the course of this year, John Cena somehow gained praise for “elevating the US Title” with his weekly “US Title Open Challenges”.

If by “elevating the title” you actually mean “burying a cavalcade of wrestlers who were both superior in talent and charisma in every single way to John Cena” then yes, he did exactly that.

They elevated John Cena. They didn’t elevate the US Title.

John Cena

At a time when the WWE should be desperate to get back into its winning “Attitude Era” mindset and be creating new younger stars for the future of the company, we have them being fed to John Cena to boost their profiles but only to have their momentum, characters and movesets devalued by John Cena refusing to put them over.

This is a guy who can never be pinned clean because the creative team insists on writing in five false finishes and 15 kickout attempts so they can push this motherfucker’s “NEVER GIVE UP” merchandise.

It pisses all over the other wrestlers because their finishers are rendered ineffective because, God forbid, John Cena should ever be allowed to NOT KICK OUT OF IT.

He is also extremely selfish in the sense where he doesn’t sell his opponents’ movesets well. It disrespects the people he works with and denigrates the art of pro wrestling where storytelling is the primary factor in making a match look good.

Why does this guy need to GO OVER ALL THE TIME anyway?

He has been at the top of the WWE for more than 10 years. Isn’t it about time someone else got a chance to shine?.

This is a guy who over the past year has pinned Dean Ambrose, Cesaro, Seth Rollins, Kevin Owens, Rusev, Adrian Neville and Sami Zayn clean.

I also remember a promising wrestler called Damien Sandow. You never hear of that guy anymore.

All of them extremely talented wrestlers to whom the future of the WWE should be built upon.

Why aren’t these guys being elevated by the man who has spent close to 15 years on top of the business?

We see the likes of Randy Orton, Big Show, Kane and Mark Henry having no problem with doing this.

Why? Evidently they understand the way the wrestling business works and it is about giving the other guy the opportunity to look good.

The Wyatt Family, Rusev and Kevin Owens could’ve all been monster heels by now but instead, John Cena’s refusal to put them over has derailed any belief the audience had invested in their characters.

John Cena doesn’t do this. He makes the other guys look inferior to him on a constant basis by burying any momentum they had.

The Wyatt Family, Rusev and Kevin Owens could’ve all been monster heels by now but instead, John Cena’s refusal to put them over has derailed any belief the audience had invested in their characters.

Let’s also not forget that upon Brock Lesnar’s return, Cena was booked to beat him. Yes, we were genuinely meant to believe that this phoney “street thug from Boston” was a legitimate threat to a guy who had just returned from the UFC where he held the World Heavyweight Championship.

Let us also not forget that CM Punk beat John Cena in merchandise sales. Why did this happen? The WWE actually took a chance and put another guy in a top spot position and IT WORKED.

What did they do when Punk left? Pushed the panic button and tried to force Cena down our throats again.

What did they do when the crowds chanted and cheered for Daniel Bryan to be their champion? They were scared to pull the trigger on that idea before all out mutiny was being threatened.

In the case of John Cena, there is no argument or discussion, they hand this motherfucker a championship strap. Every fucking time.

Read: The Cenassassination of the WWE

Why not just turn the guy heel for a change and use the heat he gets in his favour? I would understand that angle.

However, this constant, predictable and tiresome format where he kicks out of someone’s finisher every single time, and finishes them off with one of the lamest finishers in the business, a standing fireman’s carry and front slam, is just beyond being lazy writing but just downright unimaginative bullshit.

It wouldn’t be so bad if this chunkheaded moron could wrestle but he can’t, his only submission move, which actually looks like it is causing him more pain than his opponent, is just dumb because the execution of the move is truly abysmal.

If they want to put a mic on this guy then make him a commentator. He can talk as much bullshit as he wants then but as a performer, he’s easily one of the worst in the business by many country miles.

And guess what? Because this Roman Reigns angle hasn’t really set the heather on fire, you can bet that Vince will revert to type again and propel Cena into the championship picture and allow him the opportunity to beat Flair’s record and week in week out, you’ll see this no talent assclown promoting some “THE GREATEST EVER CHAMP IS HERE” t-shirts and cutting more shittier than shit promos.

You mark my words.

Author: Kris Rennie

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Responses to Why John Cena is not “Best for Business”

  1. sian bethellNo Gravatar

    After reading this its kinda made obvious you aren’t a cena fan but to push your opinions onto others is just wrong. Some people my eldest son included does actually like him and think hes good at what he does the swearing was just out of order and to be honest it wasn’t anything worth reading. Your opinions are yours that’s understandable but to slate john cena for being good at what he does or for being a wrestler that no matter what “era” is around he can adjust is just wrong. I watched wrestling from the age of 7 and even to this day I watch It all the tine with my kids and I have to say most of what you have said is blatently untrue.

  2. Kris RennieNo Gravatar

    Sian – Thanks for your reaction. It made no sense but thanks for it anyway.

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