TV: X Factor USA w/e 19.11.11

Why did it have to have to happen to me?

It’s more addictive than crack and I hate myself for feeling compelled to do it but The X Factor has sucked me in yet again. This year, I don’t even have the pleasure of being able to split it up into The X Factor and American Idol… the brand has gone global and is (possibly) all the better for it.

But enough of my problems. It’s Friday night and America has voted and for once, America has voted correctly. I am so pleased that whining, snivelling trout-dressed-as-salmon-z-grade Tina Turner impostor called Stacy Francis has gone home.

“I need this so bad…” cry, cry, whine, whine (repeat in a cyclical motion).

No. No, you don’t. If you needed it that bad you would have grown up a long time ago and got your shit together. What’s the fascination with hitting every note in the scale every five seconds? It’s like going shopping and eating everything in the car on the way home. Nice to do once but totally unnecessary.

Anyway, this year, America has made some good choices. I will eat a whole cheesecake if Josh doesn’t walk home with the crown this year (hey, why make it bad on myself if the worst happens), but so long as Astro-boy goes home next week (the one-trick pony needs to grow a pair after this weeks pissy-strop), the gospel boy whose name I can’t remember the week after (dullsville USA), followed by Melanie (who is a great singer but we already have singers of that calibre), all will be well in the world.

In its ten+ various format years on air, the show has given me Kelly Clarkson (the original and the best), Chris Daughtry (by default) and Adam Lambert (guilty pleasure) – all of whom I have spent actual money on despite living in an age in which nobody pays for music anymore. You know why?

Because they’re all damn great songwriters – and that there is right where Josh is gonna sink the pink. Watch and learn, America.