Theatre Review: Shrek The Musical

If you’ve ever had to sit through a pantomime with Z-list celebrities actively displaying their mid life crisis on stage and hear ‘He’s behind you’ chanted so many times you contemplate ending your own life with your ice cream spoon; then Shrek The Musical isn’t for you.

Essentially, that’s all it is, a giant pantomime with some questionable music and lyrics. Just as some of the songs pick up the pace to resemble a catchy, bearable number they quickly cut off back to dialogue. They’re far too short and with the exception of Forever and Big Bright Beautiful World, they don’t work.

I think I Got You Beat in the second half starts off promising, but after only two minutes the song has essentially ended. That’s not how musicals work. Not when you’re over 12, anyway.

It has the feel of a show that’s purely been made for a quick, commercial profit. Expensive sets and lavish costumes don’t cover up the evident lack of passion or care that’s gone into making it; something other musicals clearly display.

The supporting cast outshine the main characters with their performances and yet there are no songs that let them display their skills properly. The direction and choreography is half-heartedly slapped on stage and looks like someone thought it up while bathing in 50 pound notes. “Fuck it, get them to twirl around a bit or something yeah? Oh and don’t forget t-shirts for the gift shop.”

Richard Blackwood as Donkey lacked any sort of enthusiasm and physical energy compared with actors playing the character on Broadway. He is supposed to be lively, but evidently this donkey has been tranquilised.

Amanda Holden as Princess Fiona was little more than average and gave a very plain, unmemorable performance.

Nigel Lindsay playing Shrek was the worst news I could have heard. Nigel is an incredible actor – his recent performance in Four Lions highlights that – so what is he doing in such a badly conceived stage show? In the films, Shrek has vast wit and sarcasm, however in the stage show this doesn’t translate well and is completely taken over by whoever plays Lord Farquaad (in this instance, Nigel Harman.) It didn’t help that the volume of the microphones was not offset well against the volume of the music, meaning song lyrics were very hard to hear for anyone sat past row four (the lucky bastards.)

Any adults that enjoy this show were probably hypnotised by the lure of the set. Of course, the sets would have looked better if they were built more solidly and supposed ‘fairytale castles’ didn’t wobble and quiver every time someone’s ass brushed past them. Call me old fashioned, but I like my buildings to remain static at all times, otherwise eating breakfast would be a nightmare. It’s all very well Princess Fiona singing I Know It’s Today, but she won’t make it to tomorrow if that balcony gives way.

The only enjoyable part of the show, is the dragon, created here using a huge puppet. This was impressively manoeuvred during its song and appeared dramatically, soaring from the ceiling at the end. I won’t spoil it by saying anything more than that for now. But, had it accidentally knocked me out in the process or indeed set me alight with real fire, I’d still have still welcomed it as an escape.

I am of course reporting as an adult. What I will say is that if you have kids, take them they’ll love it!

I think it’s another positive move in getting children and young people into theatre at an early age and introducing them to the arts with something simple and fun for them.

Also, when they’re 18 and having a tantrum you can remind them of the pains you went to in giving birth to them and that time you sat through Shrek the Musical for them. If that’s not an automatic extra bottle of wine on Fathers/Mother’s Day, I don’t know what is.