DVD: Midnight Chronicles

Sometimes the heavens part and truly bless you with a film so bad that it gives you the opportunity to simply pull out the sword of truth and hack it to pieces. I am glad to say that this film is just that.

Apparently based on the award-winning RPG of the same name comes a film so inept, unfinished and badly acted that you would rather stab your own eyes out than watch another frame of it.

God, this film is so bad. It features not only an intro that is printed on screen, but is then followed up by a laughably dramatic voice over on the opening credits that tries to tell you what is happening in this huge mess of film.

There is so much that is wrong with this it hurts to think and write about it again but lets look at a few points. The sets are cut price, cheap CGI is used for the backgrounds aside from a few which look like castoffs from all three LOTR films. The film is shot on really cheap DV which is remarkably clear but only shows up the spotlessly clean costumes that look like they’ve been hired and have to be returned in pristine condition or the filmmakers will lose their deposit. The music is awful and sounds like it’s all been bought cheap along with the cut-price actors, many of them English and trying to sound all noble and professional while spitting out the crappy dialogue and exposition.

Overall it’s too long, badly written, produced and directed. It’s not exciting in any way and has a plot that a five-year-old could come up with. It features stupid lisping elves, a one armed swordsman (I kid ye not) and a bad guy who is about as scary as a glass of warm milk.

Why anyone in their right mind would want to pay nearly 16 quid for this needs their head examined. Worst film of the year. Definitely.

Mark Cappuccio