One of the great things about begin a Dad is that you get to go and see cool films that you’d never otherwise consider walking into alone.
One of the downsides is having to sit through yet another Twilight movie – but they’ve never been quite this bad in the past.
It’s hard to write a fair review when you’re faced with such a shocking lack of talent (and I have seen more than my fair share of i-Carly and Waverley Place believe me) from the top all the way down to the bottom. Everybody associated with this project should hang their heads in shame.
You simply cannot pad out a movie into two parts just to make it appear as big of a deal as Harry Potter is by inserting a lot of kissing. Know this well, budding film-makers of the future. Know also that no matter who your film is aimed at, even kids will see through you when you attempt to fleece them with zero story. Zero.
Here’s a frightening truth for you. There was more action, more plot and more thought in the Sherlock Holmes trailer that came before the movie.
To save yourselves some money, here’s a run down for you. The first hour features maybe three minutes of some wolves and 57 minutes of snogging. Fantastic, he said ironically.
In the second hour, the wolf count is boosted a little but any enjoyment about their appearance is spoilt by making them talk. The remainder is a single-room shot medical drama in which nothing medical happens until the last ten minutes when the production crew throw about eight million dollars at the movie to save it from extinction with substandard shock-n-gore.
I really want to pan this film into the deepest hallow’ed ground but words fail me as to how to shockingly awful it really is. You want to know what the worst part is? After the movie had finished, some people actually stood up and applauded. Some people really thought this was good value entertainment and that’s not right.
That’s about all the effort the film deserves in a review. Sorry. Where the bloody hell is Anne Rice when you need her.