Mark Wahlberg is a man.
His name is Cade Yeager. Yes, seriously. He is also an unsuccessful inventor. He has a teenage daughter. She looks after him as much as he looks after her. They need money.
Cade buys a shitty old truck, hoping to fix it up. But it’s not just any old truck IT’S OPTIMUS PRIME. The baddies (the industrial military complex yeah?) want Optimus Prime, but Cade won’t hand him over for reasons, even when a gun is pointed at his daughter’s head. She has been seeing an Irish racing driver behind her dad’s back. He’s not happy about it.
They go on the run, robots fight, there are spaceships and some dinosaur robots arrive. Grimlock doesn’t speak and childhood dreams turn to ashes.
Stanley Tucci parodies Steve Jobs. Nicola Peltz, playing Cade’s daughter, makes you wish Megan Fox hadn’t likened director Michael Bay to Hitler.
Car badges are focused on. Underwear brands are focused on. Chinese soft drink brands are focused on. For every one robot, there are three company logos.
Transformers 4 is like a three-hour advert but with little bits of movie breaking up the flow.