Cinema Review: Green Lantern, Part 2

If you’re over 30 and you don’t want to play superhero Top Trumps at the multiplex, tough titties.

It is now all about who has the best pixels, the most righteous pecs and the cutest back-story. You will also need to know whose villains are best at hiding their British or Commonwealth accents and dishing out the ham. On nearly all counts it won’t be Green Lantern.

A 70-year-old DC comic book series not released in cinemas before, this sees Ryan Reynolds step into green CGI spandex as Hal Jordan, a test pilot jock who has no sense of RESPONSIBILITY. Meanwhile far across the universe, a warrior race called the Green Lantern Corps face a deadly new threat which could reap chaos and flatten the galaxy. No, not retro-processed 3D, but a whole postcode of mean energy called the Parallax.

After shenanigans, a Green Lantern ends up on Earth and the ancient ritual which decides his successor leads to the unlikely choice, albeit a fantastic pilot with great abs. So Hal is the man who must take up the challenge. The movie flips between two realms; the alien planet Oa – full of CG pixies – and Earth. Like Thor, without the comedy.

What’s flaccid about this adventure is the way the screenplay carelessly puts together the origin story. One minute Hal is a Doubting Thomas having cast aside the universe-saving gig; next minute he’s swooping in space ready to sacrifice himself. Not that we’re expecting Uncle Vanya, but even a comic book movie needs to ground its hero with some sort of struggle. It’s all too easy. Like how all the major protagonists know each other.

It is a shame for Ryan Reynolds that this is far from being his Christopher Reeve moment, as he’d been steadily proving how versatile an actor he is. He’s got that Chevy Chase look of cynicism about him but Green Lantern smooths all that away. It almost feels like they could have computer generated his whole body, not just the green torso.

As for villains, the main event is a giant nebulous entity that sucks the hope out of entire star-systems, engorging itself Simon Cowell-like on their fear. Well rendered, but ultimately a bit rubbish given this creature appears unbeatable – so it is only ever going to be defeated by some hokey reversal.

Better is the undercard villain, a nerdy scientist played by Peter Sarsgaard who gets injected with an alien liquid which turns his forehead into a shaved testical. He’s a dweeb with a droopy ‘tache even before that, failing to get the attention of Hal’s sweetheart (Blake Lively) so he’s primed for trouble even without the neglect of his industrialist father (Tim Robbins Skyping-in from a hot-tub).

Ultimately Green Lantern is flat, lacking the character based dash of X-Men: First Class or the comedy of Thor. And it made me feel old and cranky and like Kickass never happened. Normally reliable director Martin Campbell (Casino Royale) seems lost without tarmac and tire action sequences. Ryan Reynolds does his job for the female gaze but doesn’t have the fun Robert Downey had with the not-dissimilar Tony Stark.

Hoovering in the greenbacks already, here’s hoping the sequel is also a reboot.