CINEMA: Donkey Punch

One of the best ever ‘horror on a boat’ films was Dead Calm, which managed to invoke a feeling of utter dread and claustrophobia with just three cast members and minimal locations onboard a sailboat. Donkey Punch tries to emulate the stifling claustrophobia of that film but rather shoots itself in the foot from the outset by setting the action on a huge, luxury motorboat and extending the cast to six (some of whom are so interchangeable you may struggle to distinguish between them).

While on holiday in the Med three goodtime girls (Jaime Winstone, Nichola Burley and Sian Breckin) meet up with three middle-class boys (Jay Taylor, Tom Burke, Julian Morris) who just happen to be looking after said motorboat. Alcohol is drunk, drugs are imbibed, sex is had and before you know it one of the girls is dead and there’s mutiny in the air.

As the characters descend ever further into drug-induced paranoia the plot simply jumps overboard leaving the boat and its inhabitants to fend for themselves. Unfortunately, they’re really not up to the challenge and the movie resorts to every cliché in the book in an effort to save itself from drowning. Even the stonking soundtrack can’t revive a movie, and by the time it’s utterly preposterous climax washes ashore, the whole affair is dead in the water.      Dee Pilgrim