Thanks to Twilight, vampires are absolutely bloody everywhere now.
However, while they used to be brilliant and scary, now the word ‘vampire’ is just shorthand for douchey, emo boys who can’t grow facial hair. If only the legions of fans of Stephenie Meyer’s books had the intelligence to understand that the ‘novels’ are simply a transparent parable for Christianity, with Edward Cullen representing a Christ-like figure. Perhaps then they wouldn’t be so keen to spend their money on TEAM EDWARD t-shirts, being as they are nothing more but the impressionable idiot’s equivalent of a WWJD wristband.
Just a few short years ago, vampires were all about Bram Stoker; the iconic Lost Boys starring the man who would become Jack Bauer; and Robert Rodriguez’s frankly mental From Dusk ’til Dawn with George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino. All dark, cool, and not in any way hijacked by pre-pubescent girls and menopausal women who really should know better.
Hell, even Buffy the Vampire Slayer and spin-off show Angel kept the coolness at an acceptable level, thanks to decent writing from Joss Whedon and a collection of likeable characters.
Fortunately though, it’s only male vampires that have been ruined by Robert Pattinson and his effeminate friends. Girl vampires are still very much awesome, with pages and pages of proof in this month’s FHM magazine.
The men’s monthly has a saucy 16 page spread, starring the hottest on-screen vampires; Twilight’s Christian Serratos, True Blood’s Natasha Alam and the incredible Diora Baird, 30 Days of Night: Dark Days.
Just look at the front cover!
FHM is a month of entertainment for men. In addition to the beautiful women (as expected), FHM covers fitness, health, fashion, film, music and games. And it’s very funny.
And, ladies, remember: If your boyfriend is all glittery and doesn’t want to have sex with you, it’s not because he’s a vampire.
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