The first ever arena UK arena tour of Tim Rice and Andrew Lloyd Webber’s classic musical is due to begin on September 21, but first the producers must find a Jesus, and to do so they are turning to the tried and tested method of a TV talent show. Superstar will be on ITV and will see a collection of would-be stage stars battle it out for the leading role in front of a panel of judges including Andrew Lloyd Webber and Jason Donovan.

Tim Minchin, Andrew Lloyd Webber, Melanie Chisholm and Chris Moyles promote Jesus Christ Superstar

It has been known for some time that comedian Tim Minchin will play Judas Iscariot, but it was believed – until today – that Nicole Scherzinger from The Pussycat Dolls would be playing Mary Magdalene with Mel C on the judging panel. The news that Chisholm is taking the role instead has pleased musical fans, as the popstar has West End stage experience.

The revelation that Chris Moyles is playing King Herod has not been so warmly welcomed, but the tubby DJ proved during Celebrity X Factor in 2006 that he can hold a tune, so it remains to be seen whether the casting is an act of desperation or a stroke of genius.

Chris Moyles said: “To receive a phonecall from Andrew is very cool, but then when he asks you to be in his musical that’s pretty amazing and there is only one thing to respond with… And that is yes! Absolutely! My mum’s gonna be well excited!”

Andrew Lloyd Webber added: “Jesus Christ Superstar began life as an album followed by a sell-out arena tour of the US.  Our very first show was at the Civic Arena in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where we played to over 13,000 people.  Tim and I have always wanted to take Superstar back to its roots and we are both delighted that it will finally play an arena tour in the UK in venues where many of the world’s great rock acts have gone before.  We’re thrilled to have such great talent in the cast for the new show – they are all true ambassadors of UK entertainment. The re-mastered album sounds fantastic and we hope that fans both old and new will enjoy it.”

Tickets go on sale on May 18, visit www.jesuschristsuperstar.com for more information.

Jesus Christ Superstar Tour Dates

Friday 21 September – London O2 Arena

Tuesday 25 September – Glasgow SECC

Friday 28 September – Newcastle Metro Radio Arena

Sunday 30 September – Manchester Arena

Tuesday 2 October – Cardiff Motorpoint

Thursday 4 October – Birmingham NIA

Thursday 9 October – Belfast Odyssey

Friday 12 October – Dublin O2

Tuesday 16 October – Liverpool Echo Arena

Friday 19 October – Nottingham Capital FM Arena

Sunday 21 October – Sheffield Motorpoint

Every week I’ll be dissecting WWE’s Monday Night Raw and analyzing what worked, what didn’t work, and what left audiences thinking wtf by breaking the show down into three categories: YES!, CHANGE THE CHANNEL! or WHAT?

Let’s get it on.

YES!

Triple H and Paul Heyman opening segment – Brilliant opener. This is how you raise the energy right from the opening of Raw. Heyman’s whiney, “what are ya’ doin?!” as Triple H grabbed him by the throat was superb acting. While I would have certainly loved to see more back and forth between the two, I found both men to be in top form during this segment.

Triple H cut a wonderful promo about Lesnar, criticizing Brock for leaving the business and offending legends such as Ric Flair and Shawn Michaels by his recent behavior. Instead of burying Lesnar, like many assumed Triple H was doing, I felt that the COO had a clear argument running throughout the promo: Lesnar is a bully who quits the second he faces strong opposition. Maybe Triple H is that one obstacle that Brock won’t be able to simply quit and avoid? Heyman, in turn, informed Triple H that Lesnar is suing the WWE, which added a bit of suspense to Brock’s relationship with the company. The WWE seems to be planting the seeds for a much longer program between not only Triple H and Lesnar, but Brock and the entire WWE infrastructure. I’m excited to see where they go next.

CM Punk/Santino vs. Daniel Bryan/Cody Rhodes – Oddly enough, I found Bryan and Cody worked really well together. I’m not sure what purpose Santino served in this match, other than the WWE not being able to find a better babyface to team with Punk. Why not bring Alex Riley back up? Or maybe even Zack Ryder? Punk’s angry facials to Bryan throughout the match were superb. Seeing Bryan simply laugh in Punk’s face from across the ring only further built his heat to fans at home. I loved that fact that Bryan ended the match by staring Punk down as he walked up the ramp, smirking the entire way. It’s interesting how Bryan doesn’t take Punk seriously, yet desperately wants to win the WWE Championship.

While many fans complain that there’s no build to Bryan/Punk, I can only slightly disagree. Obviously we haven’t seen the two interact enough. However, I think Bryan is already such an established heel, that it’s almost obvious why Punk wants to beat him. Who wouldn’t want to beat up Daniel Bryan after the way he behaves on TV each week? (besides me. I love Daniel Bryan). The crowd was hot during this match, giving Bryan plenty of heat and throwing out some vivacious “YES!” chants. I’d love to see Bryan take the title at Over The Limit, which could possibly lead to a feud with stronger builds at No Way Out or even SummerSlam. It would be fantastic to see Punk in pursuit of the WWE Championship again, which we haven’t witnessed all year, since it could impact the growth of his character.

I am somewhat bothered by the fact that the WWE isn’t acknowledging Punk and Bryan’s long history as competitors. Granted, WWE.com featured a piece about the two fighting in the independents, but it would be great to hear them cut a promo about working together since Ring of Honor. Why not explicitly discuss the fact that these two have been pursuing dreams of being world champions across the globe for ages? I’m hoping that we see these two work more throughout the summer. I think a Bryan/Punk feud could definitely draw in fans of indie wrestling who may not pay attention to the WWE.

Beth Phoenix vs. Alicia Fox – Oddly enough, my favorite part of this match had nothing to do with Alicia Fox, one of the main participants in the bout. WWE Diva’s Champion Layla, who was on the ramp during this match, caught my attention right away. She’s obviously a babyface, but her interaction with Beth had a heel slant. I’m actually very excited to see Layla vs. Beth, even if we don’t get that elusive Kharma return that we’re all waiting for.

Brodus Clay/Kofi Kingston/R-Truth vs. Jack Swagger/Dolph Ziggler/The Miz – This match, despite having Brodus to occasionally drag things down, had a lot of positive aspects. Kofi was spectacular and further proved how badly he deserves a big picture feud in the WWE. Likewise, Swagger/Dolph continued to remind fans that they’re the best tag team to come around in ages. Dolphin especially sold every move so well that it kept me engaged the entire time. Even Miz got a few solid spots during the match. Of course, a lot of fans whined about Brodus/Kofi/R-Truth dancing with young fans in the ring at the end, but it was nothing more than typical babyface celebration in my eyes.

Randy Orton vs. Chris Jericho – This was a very good match and did an excellent job of building towards the fatal four way match at Over The Limit. It’s amazing that within just week, the WWE utilized both Raw and Smackdown to help enhance the tension between Del Rio, Orton, Jericho, and Sheamus in preparation for their World Heavyweight Championship match at Over The Limit. Ideally, this is what both shows should be used for: allowing storylines to flow smoothly and seamlessly across brands.

CHANGE THE CHANNEL!

Kane vs. Big Show – This match defines unnecessary. Big Show’s awkward bump after Kane’s chokeslam was tough to watch. Again this week we continue with the theme of “poor Kane.” Kane deserves a solid feud more than a lot of guys in the WWE right now.

Big Show’s firing - This segment went on WAY too long. There is no need to see Big Show blubbering like a confused child. You may ask, “but James, aren’t you happy to see that Big Show is FIRED?!” While Big Show probably should consider retirement soon, this kayfabe firing, like all kayfabe firings, will ultimately prove to be forgettable.

John Laurinaitis/Cena segment: When Cena is good, he’s damn good. However, when Cena is bad, he’s terrible. This was a bad segment. Choosing to close the show with this interaction was ridiculous. Cena acted silly and treated the severity of his match against John Laurinaitis like an elaborate farce. It’s okay to be funny in the ring, look no further than Punk’s promos last summer with Cena to see how well comedy can enhance a feud. But there has to be a balance between humor and seriousness when leading into a PPV. This segment was solely Cena teasing Johnny. Why would fans tune in to a PPV where not even Cena seems invested in the outcome?

This bit encompassed everything fans complain about when they discuss John Cena; his inability to balance humor and seriousness in the face of a difficult opponant. Cena laughed everything off and acted as if his Laurinaitis was a joke. Of course, Johnny is hardly as tough an opponent as Lesnar, but Cena should at least make fans believe that we’re going to see a big match. Cena mimicked Ace in the style of Jim Carrey, proving that a bad joke from the mid-90s is still a bad joke in 2012. Humiliating Johnny would have been hilarious if Cena wasn’t facing him at Over The Limit this weekend. It’s already difficult to see Johnny as a formidable opponent for Cena, given both his age and history of being a corporate goofball on camera, but Cena certainly did nothing to help convince fans that they should purchase Over The Limit.

As a regular episode of Raw, I’d give this show a rousing YES! However, as a go-home show for Over The Limit? I can’t help but throw out an apathetic WHAT? The opening segment kicked off strong, and the build-up for the four-way match at Over The Limit was very good. However, the closing segment was terrible. We left Raw on a sour note, giving fans little reason to want to see Johnny and Cena fight this Sunday. The lack of build between Bryan and Punk is equally disappointing, unless we’ll be seeing the two work together at No Way Out or even SummerSlam. I am looking forward to Over the Limit just to see Punk and Bryan in a WWE Championship match.

Essentially, I want to enjoy the idea of WWE taking the risk to even let that match happen. I’m also very excited for the fatal four way match, which seems to have grown leaps and bounds in just a week. I just hope that the rest of the pay-per-view doesn’t spoil the whole night.

Vanesse Paradis in Cafe de Flore

Set in Canada, it stars Kevin Parent and Helene Florent as Antoine and Carole, first loves who stay together and produce two beautiful daughters before DJ Antoine falls for the much younger Rose (Evelyne Brochu). Rose moves in with Antoine and the two girls, as with so many modern families, share their time between their mum and dad’s houses. But whereas Antoine believes he has now found his true soul mate in Rose, Carole is destroyed by the loss of hers and begins to dream strange, unsettling dreams about a single mother, Jacqueline, (Vanessa Paradis) struggling to bring up her Down’s Syndrome son.

Family and friends are increasingly concerned as it becomes clear Carole believes the dreams are actually real and are trying to tell her something. It takes most of the film for the audience to understand what the message is and when it arrives it is not wholly convincing, but the movie is beautifully acted, not least by Paradis, who eschews her normally sultry appearance to portray Jacqueline as so exhausted by caring for her boy as to have no time to spare for her own appearance. However, it is Helene Florent as the heartbroken Carole who holds the emotional centre of the movie and she does it with a fragility that is often painful to watch.

There is great use of music within the film, especially extracts from Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon, but the final resolution of all the character’s emotional attachments is a let down and feels like a bit of a cop out. Also, the weird way the characters talk in a strange mix of Quebecois liberally interspersed with English words means you really do have to keep your eyes on those subtitles in order to follow the action.

Let’s start with Beloved (the other is Café de Flore), starring the great Catherine Deneuve and her real-life daughter Chiara Mastroianni. The first thing you need to know about this movie is it’s a musical – the first time Deneuve suddenly bursts into song in the middle of a scene is quite disconcerting. The structure of the film — bouncing forward and back in time, also means you have to keep your wits about you in order to keep up with the story.

The opening sequence is remarkable and will titillate any shoe fetishists in the audience as we are taken back to 1964 and an upmarket Parisian shoe emporium where the young Madeleine (Ludivine Sagnier) works. Struck by the glamorous nature of the shoes on sale Madeleine steals a pair and puts them on in the street. She is quickly mistaken for a hooker and when a young Czechoslovakian doctor (Rasha Bukvic) tries to pick her up she acquiesces and a life-long relationship is born. The film then flashes forwarded 30 years to tell the story of Madeleine’s daughter Vera (Mastroianni) who knows of her mother’s past and now finds it almost impossible to form lasting relationships with men. But on a trip to London she meets a drummer (Paul Schneider) in a nightclub and although he is gay finds herself strongly attracted to him.

The film then frequently intercuts between Vera’s life and her middle-aged mother’s (Mastroianni) charting their ups and downs and finally climaxing on the day of 9/11 – fateful in so very many ways.

Although aspects of the film are both refreshing and highly inventive the frequent musical numbers are, quite frankly, an embarrassment; they hold up the action and serve no real purpose as they do not drive the narrative forward. Also, some of the sexual politics are highly dubious (the ‘happy hooker’ syndrome; Madeleine wanting her young Czech back after he cheats on her and (we later discover) had a pretty toxic relationship with her (we learn this further along in the story in one throwaway line that is never elaborated on).

Meanwhile, Vera’s quasi-relationship with the gay drummer is complex but again never really explained – she sings about love but the song doesn’t enlighten us as to her motivation or compulsion. So, director Christophe Honoré has created something that piques your interest but never fully satisfies the curiosity it arouses.

The world of professional wrestling can be just as forbidding as it is inviting for many new or casual fans. The maxim of wrestling being “soap opera for guys” is tiresome and does little to convey how much fun it is to watch the WWE.

Perhaps the best way to initiate newcomers into the often maligned world of wrestling is to present them with familiar faces in the squared circle from other realms of the entertainment industry.

1. Snake Plissken (Kurt Russell) from Escape from New York

Director John Carpenter and actor Kurt Russell were essentially the Austin and Rock of incredible 1980s action/sci-fi films.  That is, the duo consistently released  high-quality products, which delighted a specific demographic while simultaneously possessing mainstream appeal. In Escape from New York, we look to the future into the mystical land of 1997 where crime in the United States leaped 400%, thus turning the island of Manhattan into a high-security prison. Meanwhile, the rest of New York remained a decrepit, dystopian wasteland better suited to a civilization of underground mole mutants than city dwellers.

Amidst all this amazement, one convict, Snake Plissken (Russell) is released from prison by the U.S. government to locate the kidnapped President of the United States of America. Predictable tomfoolery, fight scenes, and Harry Dean Stanton appearances are to follow, while Snake battles the futuristic New York gangs. Need further proof that this character would be great in the WWE? Plissken even wrestles at one point and kills a man by hitting him over the head with a baseball bat laden with nails! (spoiler alert!)

Can you not imagine this kind of man feuding with CM Punk or John Cena? What about a storyline where an ex-con is relased from a high-security prison by Vince McMahon to take back the WWE from the rag-tag group of wide-eyed FCW prospects? Beyond dressing like a renegade, Plissken wears an eye-patch and resembles a pirate. We all know that Vince loves pirates (Paul Burchill, anybody?)

2. Joan Crawford (Faye Dunaway) from Mommie Dearest

Beth Phoenix, Kharma, and Natalya remain among the few twinkles of happiness lost within the black-hole of female wrestling in the WWE. Let’s look beyond the superbly talented Beth and Natalya to bring in someone who is genuinely insane. Joan Crawford comes across in Mommie Dearest as a crazy aristocrat. Throughout the film, Crawford brilliantly takes stereotypes of an asinine socialites to new depths with her neglect of public decency.

Crawford is already a fully-formed character, which is something the WWE is desperately lacking nowadays. Imagine a Diva dripping in pearls and a fancy prom dress who pulls a “Dashing” Cody Rhodes narcissist gimmick, before transforming into a nutcase hellbent on beating up the nearest Diva? I’d love to see a female wrestler booked as a psychotic beauty queen reject with tons of money with enough mood swings to both entertain and frighten even the most hardened of smarks.

3. Mr. Blonde (Michael Madsen) from Reservoir Dogs

One of my favorite lines in film history is when Mr. Blonde, donning Ray Bans and a sharp suit, sips his drink, leans against a wall and smirks, “you gonna bark all day doggie, or are you gonna bite?” This cool and detached demeanor would be a perfect balance to the high energy of guys like John Cena. Can you imagine The Miz cutting an enthusiastic promo about how awesome he is , when all of a sudden Mr. Blonde slowly strolls out to the ring, stares him down from the turnbuckle, creeps forward and then flicks his cigarette on the ground before fighting?

Randy Orton is no longer seen as a brooding or even genuinely fearful character, which begs the questions as to what wrestler can scare WWE fans today? Mr. Blonde might be our new boogeyman (no, not The Boogeyman).

4. Jambi the Genie (John Paragon) from “PeeWee’s Playhouse”

Things get weird in pro-wrestling. Longtime fans are not strangers to having bizarre twists and turns throw at them by the WWE. We’ve had the Mystery Raw GM who dictated how Monday Night Raw should be run for the better part of last year. For months, Michael Cole stopped matches and promos to read the wishes of a laptop computer on a pedestal. We still don’t know who or what was behind that mythical entity. At the same time, we have the Raw Roulette Wheel which provides fun stipulations during otherwise ordinary episodes of Raw.

These activities are fun and different, thus allowing Raw to remain fresh when things begin to feel too routine. As much as fans complain about gimmicks, most everyone is somewhat excited when things like The Raw Roulette segment takes place. Why not introduce Jambi the Genie, from the amazing children’s program PeeWee’s Playhouse to tease superstars and decide what should happen on Raw or Smackdown? Jambi the Genie would act as the superfluous love child of the Mystery Raw GM and the Raw Roulette Wheel. Of course, maybe I just think it would be funny to see a genie on Raw.

Unless you are an American of a certain age, you probably don’t know the cult US TV series from which the film takes its source material, but it really doesn’t matter because the script is so underwritten the film is all over the place and has gaping holes in its narrative which means it could actually have been lifted from anywhere.

Johnny Depp in Dark Shadows

Johnny Depp is Barnabas Collins, the beloved scion of a wealthy Liverpudlian family that sails to the New World in the 18th century and establishes a successful fishing empire. But after Barnabas indulges in a bit of hanky panky with maid Angelique (Eva Green) the family’s fortunes are doomed for Angelique is a witch and when Barnabas shuns her affections she curses the whole house of Collins. Which is how Barnabas ends up as a vampire, locked in a coffin for two centuries until he’s accidentally dug up and comes face-to-face with the modern world.

He is also reunited with the remnants of his clan and what a motley crew they are; from harassed matriarch Elizabeth (Michelle Pfeiffer), through to her stroppy teenage daughter (Chloe Grace Moretz). There’s even a sozzled psychiatrist (Helena Bonham Carter) living with the family in its ruined mansion, ostensibly to help Elizabeth’s nephew get over the drowning of his mother. So, although this is a classic story of a fish out of water, Barnabas as the 200-year-old vampire is actually far less strange than his relatives. He still gets to do his stranger in a strange land wide-eyed perplexed expression though as he encounters tarmac’d roads and electricity for the first time. Then of course, there’s Angelique, still doing her witchy worst and still intent on securing the affections of Barnabas until a new nanny arrives on the scene (Bella Heathcote) who is the spitting image of Barnabas’ beloved late wife.

It’s a set up that could have been highly amusing (it’s also set in the 1970s so there are plenty of lava lamps, Carpenters’ songs and hippy dudes) but the script seems ill at ease with itself, scenes don’t flow comfortably into each other and when major plot twists are revealed you find yourself thinking ‘where the hell did that come from?’ as their back stories are non-existent. In fact, nothing hangs together until the last quarter of an hour of the film when everything explodes into life.

Depp’s performance isn’t as raucous as his Captain Jack Sparrow, but that’s more the fault of the lacklustre script than his acting, while other members of the cast are woefully underused (Jonny Lee Miller only makes it into a couple of scenes). So, all in all a disappointing offering from Burton who can, on a good day, do ten times better than this.

American Dad has steadily become funnier, smarter and more subversive than Family Guy, and the trend continues with Season 7.

Including the show’s 100th episode, this series features all the characters you’ve come to love as well as guest voices from Jason Alexander, Grace Park, Burt Reynolds and Hayden Panettiere.

We have three copies of American Dad – Series 7 to give away and to win a copy just follow these steps:

• Answer this question: Who is the creator of American Dad and Family Guy?
• Follow us on Twitter – @thevoidwebsite
• Email competitions@the-void.co.uk with your answer and Twitter username.
• Await our call.

Don’t want to leave your chances to fate? Buy American Dad – Volume 7 here

American Dad: Volume 7 is available on DVD from 14 May, courtesy of Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment.

The PrizeFinder – UK Competitions

Loquax Competitions

I was really really hoping that Awesomenauts, Ronimo’s new 2D multiplayer online battle arena game for Xbox Live and PlayStation Network, was going to be either absolutely exceptional or a pile of garbage. That way, I could punch up my opening with “Awesomenauts is AWESOME!” or “Awesomenauts is awesome…naut!” respectively for a hilarious laugh. Instead, this game is just pretty damn good, which is fine by me.

The game punches you in the face with personality the second you turn it on. The over-the-top 1980s Saturday morning cartoon-style animated opening sets up the simple premise: competing teams are trying to conquer the galaxy, they hire the AWESOMENAUTS to do their bidding. The opening promises a game bursting with personality and charm, and boy does it deliver.

This game is straight-up multiplayer. With the exception of a brief tutorial, there is no single-player campaign to speak of. You can either play online, split-screen, or both. The game’s team-based combat pits two teams of three against each other to take down the opposing team’s defenses and destroy their base. The characters are class-based, and every character is unique in both play style and personality.

Each character even has their own theme song in Awesomenauts! There’s the straight-shootin’ cowboy Lonestar (who sounds frighteningly like a bad Chris Rock impersonator), the melee-based chameleon Leon, and the hip urban frog Froggy G who pulls opponents in with his long tongue. Continue to level up and you’ll unlock more characters, like my personal favorite, the healer Voltar. He has no weapons, so when he’s attacked, he just screams “UNARMED!” in hopes his enemies will feel sympathetic and back off. I love it.

In every game, you start with 200 Solar, the currency being battled for in the game. You use Solar to upgrade your abilities – you can add exciting abilities to your special moves, increase your maximum health, or improve the damage you deal. It’s up to you, and it only lasts for the match, letting you customize the best strategy for your favorite character. Every character has his advantage, and there really is something there for everyone. I didn’t think I clicked well with any character until I unlocked Voltar, and suddenly I was winning almost every match I had! Every player will find a way to master the character that’s best for them, and once you do, the game becomes a LOT more fun.

The store is where you can customize and upgrade your character. You may have a different loadout in every match!

This game is different than most multiplayer ones on the market. Racking up kills is not the key to success. There really is a focus on strategy and working together to take down the other team’s defenses and base. If you just run around killing everyone else, the game will last forever. Sometimes you’ll go against a team of kids thinking they’re playing a 2D Call of Duty with space cartoon characters and end up having an eternal deathmatch. But, get placed with the right team and the right opponents, you’ll have a relatively slow-paced, methodical, and intelligent multiplayer battle that can break into utter chaos and destruction at the most beautiful moments. I was satisfied as often as I was frustrated.

Matches last anywhere between 20 and 30 minutes, and you’re probably going to die a lot if you aren’t thinking. One way to avoid that is by teleporting back to your base to recharge your health; but if you do that, you have to fight your way back to where you were and potentially screw over teammates you could have died alongside like a hero. If you do die, you respawn in a rocketship that has to crash land its way back to your base. Continue dying, and your respawn time gets longer and longer. It’s incredibly irritating waiting 20 seconds to fly a ship to get to your base and spend some Solar, but the game is simply employing tough love to make you think as you play. Oh, and on a side note, listen to how the game announcer says “two” when counting down. He sounds like he’s spitting.

The impatient player may get a lot of kills in Awesomenauts, but they won’t get much else out of the game. Long sessions of hard work, slowly breaking down each enemy turret typically culminate in gigantic, explosive battles that will keep you on the edge of your seat. If you practice patience, you’ll find there’s a lot to love in Awesomenauts.

My boy Voltar. "UNARMED!" Unarmed indeed, Voltar. Unarmed indeed.

The game’s visuals are great, though in a style we’ve seen many times before. It’s simple Flash-style animation, but characters look great and come to life. Unfortunately, the environments lack the same great design as the characters. Levels are interchangeable space stations with only two or three actual arenas to compete. It would have been nice if the levels had a bit more in the way of structural design, as it could have allowed for more strategy and added to the longevity of the game. The music is fantastic, but doesn’t really fit the nature of the gameplay all that much. However, that can easily be forgiven, because the opening theme song is excellent.

As someone who typically refuses to play multiplayer games, I had a surprising amount of fun with Awesomenauts. Some matches are a little one-sided off the bat, but a great match can be a tense and exciting 30 minutes that’ll make you want to high five your teammates and opponents alike. Fun, smart, and bursting with personality, Awesomenauts is a multiplayer game worth the time of anyone sick of the same old thing. You may not play it for months and months, but my time with it was well spent.

But hey – if you see me online, keep your hands off Voltar. He’s MINE.

Every week I’ll be dissecting WWE’s Monday Night Raw and analyzing what worked, what didn’t work, and what left audiences thinking wtf by breaking the show down into three categories: YES!, CHANGE THE CHANNEL! or WHAT?

Let’s get it on.

YES!

John Laurinaitis opening segment – I’m glad that the WWE is acknowledging that John Laurinaitis was a legitimately talented wrestler in Japan. Name dropping guys like Doctor Death Steve Williams and showing pictures from Johnny’s days in Japan introduced the WWE audience to a different dimension of this complicated authority figure figure.

Punk’s interaction with John Laurinaitis was okay. It wasn’t his best work, but it was far from terrible. Fans are used to seeing perfection from Punk so we take any moment when he fumbles his words to be a bad omen. Instead, I think Punk did a decent promo. Is this the angry and incendiary CM Punk of last summer? No, of course not, but that’s because this is an entirely new CM Punk in 2012. Punk is the champion now and his persona is evolving. Punk’s personality last summer was that of a guy  in pursuit of the gold. When he achieved success, the personality needed to naturally change. The basic premise of Punk’s promo had precise logic. Punk is a babyface and is upset with John Laurinaitis’s mistreatment of the top face in the company: John Cena. It makes sense that a top babyface guy like Punk would defend Cena and help build towards the match at Over the Limit with Johnny Ace.

Kofi Kingston vs. Dolph Ziggler – I hate to belabor a point, but Dolph needs higher profile matches. I love Kofi, but it does feel like Dolph is above a mid-card match at this point; especially when you consider he had a title match against Punk at the Royal Rumble in January. Still, I was happy to see Dolphin grab a win after weeks of losing to Brodus Clay.

Layla/Kelly vs. Maxine/Natalya – Who is Maxine? Like most Divas matches as of late, this one lasted a minute and barely gave fans much to discuss. I will say that Beth on commentary during this match was superb. She is very well spoken and equally knowledgeable about the business.

Randy Orton/Sheamus vs. Alberto Del Rio/Chris Jericho – THIS is what all the tag matches on Smackdown that we see each week should look like. There was a perfect balance of excitement, athleticism, and tension throughout this match. The ending scene of Randy giving an RKO to Sheamus was brilliant. Is Randy turning heel? No, I think he just wants to be the World Heavyweight Champion and he wants it now. This behavior from Randy is what needs to happen before a title match. You’re supposed to see wrestlers become so obsessed with winning the belt that they make irrational decisions.

Jericho grabbing for the World Heavyweight Championship at the end of the match suggests that maybe we’ll see him chase that belt on Smackdown is supposed to be leaving on tour this summer. Working on Smackdown would be a good move for Jericho when you consider that it would provide a lighter, more flexible schedule.

A four way contest for a major championship title at Over the Limit should be incredible. I love three-way title matches, so naturally this one is sure to be even more exciting. All four men are in perfect shape, with Orton and Jericho perhaps in the peak condition of their careers. The brawl backstage in Johnny’s office added a sense of urgency to the entire feud building between the four men.

Paul Heyman segment – MARK. OUT. MOMENT. There’s no one else like Paul Heyman. I was more excited for Paul Heyman’s appearance on Raw than I was for Lesnar’s debut weeks ago. I’ve always been a tremendous fan of Heyman. It’s impossible to overlook Heyman’s contributions to pro-wrestling through his work with ECW, but it is his time in WWE that truly affected me. During his time in the WWE in the early 2000s, Heyman became one of the best commentators and managers in the company’s history. Look no further than WrestleMania X-Seven for signs of Heyman’s expertise as a play-by-play guy. Likewise, Heyman’s work with Brock Lesnar upon his debut truly took the rookie athlete to another level.

Heyman’s position during the Invasion angle, including an intense promo against Vince, was brilliant. Heyman’s influence as a member of the WWE Creative Team when he was Head Writer was groundbreaking, especially when you consider the high quality product Smackdown became during his tenure there. Under Heyman, we saw the birth of “the Smackdown Six;” a group consisting of Kurt Angle, Chris Benoit, Edge, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero, and Chavo Guerrero. “The Smackdown Six” were all young superstars waiting to break into the main event scene. At the helm of the creative team, Heyman put these six superstars in numerous combinations of matches throughout the year. In the end, Heyman’s superb booking boosted each man’s career and eventually left the legacy of all but one becoming a world champion in the WWE.

Lastly, and perhaps most memorable, was Heyman’s position as Lesnar’s manager during the monster’s debut. While Heyman once acted as the figurative mouth-piece for Lesnar, he suddenly became the literal mouth-piece for Brock on Raw this week. Heyman knows Lesnar better than anyone else in the WWE. Paul’s relationship with Brock is promising and can only help build the superstar’s controversial position in the company. With the prospect of seeing Heyman continue to act as Brock’s representative on Raw, we’re certainly in store for more incredible promos from one of the greatest talkers in the history of professional wrestling.

Yes, the reaction to Heyman’s entrance wasn’t superb, but I know why: there was no instantaneous way for people to recognize Heyman. There were no music notes that would immediately convey to fans who they were about to see come down the ramp. The man had no theme song, no TitanTron, and instead came out to Brock’s music. Seeing Heyman come out after Brock’s theme must have confused fans. Perhaps since Paul hasn’t been on TV in nearly a decade, people in attendance weren’t familiar with the guy. It goes without saying that Heyman deserves more praise in every aspect of his influence on the industry and I sincerely hope to see more of him in the near future in the WWE.

CM Punk vs. Lord Tensai/Daniel Bryan – This was a decent match, but nothing entirely spectacular (until the end that is). If nothing else, I felt this match finally cast Tensai in the light of a talented worker. Tensai did some great spots, due in part to Punk’s brilliant selling capabilities. It seems like they’re positioning Tensai to be John Laurinaitis’s main enforcer, which perhaps means he’ll be wrestling top talent in the future. In the past two weeks, Tensai has defeated John Cena and CM Punk, which is a big statement for a guy who debuted nearly a month ago.

Tensai beating Punk felt like a strange way to end Raw until we saw Bryan putting Punk in the Yes Lock. I love the Yes Lock and am happy to see how intense Bryan looks whenever he puts on the hold. Bryan has the personality of a heel down perfectly, but this was a great way to remind audiences that he is a formidable opponent when it comes to mat skills. Bryan was opportunistic in his attack on Punk and viscous in the way he held onto the move. It goes without saying that Bryan is one of the best heels in recent memory. The closing of this Raw helped remind fans why Bryan is the #1 contender; he’s brutal and malicious in his goal of becoming a major champion in the company by any means necessary.

WHAT?

John Cena interview via satellite – What was the point of this segment? Why not just have Cena come out and cut a quick promo against Johnny and then disappear for the rest of the night. Doing a backstage interview just seemed unnecessary. It’s interesting that Cena criticized The Rock for doing interviews via satellite during their build to WrestleMania 28, yet he did the very same thing on Monday.

CHANGE THE CHANNEL!

Big Show vs. Cody Rhodes – This match was depressing, but thankfully pretty short. What does Cody need to do in order to get out of this abysmal feud with Big Show? I loved Eve denouncing Big Show after the match. The fact that she demanded an apology for this usually intimidating figure was great. Eve’s position as one of Johnny’s evil cronies is wonderful. I look forward to seeing Eve more on Raw, especially if she continues to stand up to cocky superstars.

Brodus Clay vs. The Miz – The Miz did not wrestle well and the entire bout seemed to go on far too long. Brodus Clay is best used sparingly in his new Funkasaurus character on Raw. It seemed like they pushed him a bit too much in this match and what resulted was not an A+ exchange. You have to wonder if the WWE is regretting putting the WWE Championship title on Miz last year considering his lackluster treatement as of late.

I mean, they’re still doing probably 50, but today they announced an exciting new venture into the browser-based market with Gameglobe. Joining together with established browser-game developers Bigpoint, the two companies are creating a game that will offer players endless possibilities.

Gameglobe seeks to allow players “free access to endless game worlds and creative possibilities, all in HD quality. Players can choose to either create their own game or simply play the multitude of levels available at launch.” The game is currently in closed beta, but anyone interested in getting their hands on it can sign up over at the newly launched Gameglobe website.

This title appears to be incredibly ambitious, truly aiming to create an open world where anyone can make their own game. Surely there will be some limitations and there will likely be only a handful of game types that really stick, but this is the internet we’re talking about here. People always find new and exciting ways to be immensely creative in even the most limited forums, so with all these tools at the disposal of players, Square Enix and Bigpoint could be onto something here.

There’s something exciting about a game that could literally never end. The idea of hopping onto Gameglobe every day and seeing a heap of new content without having to pay a dime could provide players with a very addictive experience. Assuming the core title is fun and gives people plenty to work with, this could very well be the next big thing, especially for the casual crowd.

Player-created content is huge right now, and with a big name like Square Enix getting on board with a project this big that will likely hit the likes of Facebook and other social media pretty hard, there’s no telling how huge this game could be. Everyone will have their chance at being a hot-shot game designer, and with the potentially massive number of people the game could reach, you never know what could happen!