CINEMA: Hatchet

The British public’s love affair with all things horror (especially trashy horror) shows no signs of abating, so here we have yet another splat/scream/slash slice of not very scary Friday-night-after-the-pub entertainment. Set during the Mardi Gras in New Orleans it follows the fortunes of Ben (Joel Moore) and Marcus (Deon Richmond), two mates who decide to take a night excursion on a boat through the Bayou.

This proves to be a big mistake because it’s not just crocs they have to watch out for, but a mad murderer (Kane Hodder) with a real axe to grind. Hatchet has everything you’d expect from a hokum B Movie including really bad acting, a plastic-looking swamp, an inbred backwoodsman and even a murderous chase through a moonlit cemetery. It’s lame stuff that wants to have fun but can’t think of imaginative or even interesting ways to deliver it.

When writer/director Adam Green can’t think of a device to push the plot along he gets the girls who are also on the boat to flash their boobs and when he can’t come up with a plausible ending he just doesn’t bother to have one. As a member of the cast exclaims “this sucks!” If you like tacky horror with real laughs watch out for the upcoming Black Sheep, which is premium quality compared to this. Dee Pilgrim